sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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