the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need moral support for this bender
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
