I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
