she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
