The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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