He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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