how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
