My balls are so social today.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
