After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize