Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
