Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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