There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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