yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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