There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
