And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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