I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
