Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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