tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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