also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
