K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
