I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
