just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
