is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
