I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
