He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
