Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
