I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
