my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
