Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
