I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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