Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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