Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
