I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
