May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
