I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
