Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
