I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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