Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
