Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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