I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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