Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
