Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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