Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
