Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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