Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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