She's JV to your varsity
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
