Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
