wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?