i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he just fucked me for my cheese..