if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.