I like my sex mixed with concussions.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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