I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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