So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
