if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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