o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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