Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
