dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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