why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
