trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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