She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize