THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.