Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
found the other keg... it's in the tree
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why