listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.