I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.