Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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