I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy