I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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