the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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