We're like a lot better than the average bears
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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