3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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