pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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