Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
