i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
