I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I deserve this hangover.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize