Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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