Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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