just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
