I think my fart just growled at me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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