I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
