She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize