I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
