There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
