The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.