Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
