i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos