he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable