i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society