They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
