I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.