What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
