So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
