I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize